I think it’s a tragedy… A loss to have a love so alive and so deep and true. But I wasn’t the one to pull away first, that was all you.

“I know you’re shining down on me from Heaven” This song makes me cry and miss my cousin. I have many regrets. I should’ve told him I loved him. I should’ve hugged him more. I should’ve listened to his advice. I should’ve NEVER taken his presence for granted. I tell him now more than ever before that i love him. I want to see him in my dreams again. I miss him more than anyone else on this earth.

I have learned that you should never take family for granted, even if they’re young and healthy. They can be gone in a whole second no matter what age. Tell your family you love them, even if it would seem weird. Let them know. Because God forbid some day it will be too late to tell them.

I love you, Tykee. I miss you every day. Rest in piece, Tyler Keith Martin ♥♥♥

I’m so ashamed. Of myself and of my actions. If you had never seen those posts, that wouldn’t have happened. The numerous cuts on your arm hurt me. Knowing I was part of the reason they’re there. I’m so sorry…. I will never cause you pain like that again. I promise… I promise…jkr

When I lost you…. I lost myself. I still haven’t found myself. I try to pick up the pieces… I drop more as I collect them. Sometimes I think I’m okay and I can see my life without you… But the problem is…. I simply can’t see it without you somewhere in it.

Take me back… Take me back to where the cold November air chilled us in your 2nd story bedroom… Under our warm covers where we held each other so close. Where I heard your heart beat against my ear and I KNEW you were there to stay forever. Take me back… Take me back to sneaking out at night to see you for a few minutes. Take me back to spending the night with you. Take me back to waking up to your arms around me… Take me back to your voice in my right ear being the first voice I heard that day. Take me back to macaroni and cheese and all our stupid movies… Take me back to promising to marry me. Take me back to singing to me every time I saw you….

Just take me back, Love. Take me back…..

Only dogs will love you no matter what <3

I just remembered to update my blog so now I barely remember my dream. There won’t be much to tell :(

Overall the New World Order had taken effect and it was horrible. It was like everyone was enslaved… I wish I remembered more of my dream. It was so weird.

That’s all for now, sorry :(

For real.

Damn. That’s exactly how things are now.

I dreamed I had been given this book. It was very big, like a giant pop up book, and had over 600 pages. I sat outside on my back porch to read it. I read it long past the sky going black. A couple of the stories I remember in there was about this girl (me) and her friend sitting at the play. In the play, there were these little girls going around and poking people in the audience, and when I was poked I, unfortunately, had to go on stage to be a part of the play I guess. I was supposed to stand on this wobbly plastic chair while holding something (I don’t remember what) and I failed to do so. I fell off the chair and the whole play was ruined. My dad was so mad at me, it was so real. I went backstage to apologize to the woman who had written and directed the children’s play. She accepted. I ended up back at my house and I’m telling my parents and my brother, Erik, about my weird book and all the contents and stories in it.

(This is where my memory gets a bit blurry)

There were these tiny little lights that I kept in the knife drawer to be safe. They escaped somehow and they started to grow bigger and turn into larger lights. This part here kind of plays along with Creepshow 2’s The Lagoon (?) with the black goo eating everything. I believed that when it ate everything that it was a part of the devil and had to be stopped. Suddenly a little blonde girl came out of nowhere and started running through the house, here eyes glowing red. I chased her all throuh the back yard and she slipped through a tiny crack in the fence. Surprisingly, I did the same thing, tearing through the fence like a bloodthirsty, hunger-driven wild animal. Somehow I pop up back at the house and I’m in the garage with some guy (I don’t remember who it was) and he is banishing the stuff that’s eating everything. We think its all over when the car turns on and the lights go off like crazy. We run back inside the house and see a person wrapped in toilet paper, kind of like a mummy, hanging from the ceiling in the living room by the computer. She’s still alive and we get her down. For a couple hours, everything is back to normal.

When I go outside, however….

In the neighbor’s driveway to the right, I see a hooded figure with tiny red and blue lights where the face should be. It starts to walk towards me and I’m running and screaming inside the house and tell everyone. I see the figure run around the house to the back yard, I see it is wearing black combat boots and black gloves. I’m screaming telling my uncle and my dad that there is someone outside and he (…it?) is not good at all.

Then I wake up. (Thank goodness.)

Today my best friend’s brother got life in prison for a DWI. In my opinion, that’s too extreme… Far too extreme just for driving drunk. That’s a type of sentence for a murderer. Life’s not fair in that way…and neither is WilCo.

I don’t know what I would do without my brothers. If I had to go the rest of my life with never seeing them or only seeing them through glass. I can’t imagine his family’s pain. This even hurts MY heart.

I love you, Katie and family. <3